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Gaslighting Expectations!

Updated: Dec 6, 2022

Great Expectations a classic read by Charles Dickens sums up how expectations can lead to disappointments and heartaches.

We humans are gregarious beings we find comfort in belonging however every relationship comes with certain expectations. If those expectations are not met with it leads to frustration and mental anguish. Let’s find out how we can keep these expectations realistic in our interpersonal relationships.

First and foremost, be clear in your communication. Never assume that the other person knows or should understand how you are feeling without you verbalizing the same. Do not spin the web of the words instead be precise and polite.

Secondly, Do not do anything which you don’t want to and later expect the other person to appreciate the effort. All your effort should be out of choice not out of compulsion. If you feel pressure to behave in a certain manner then you are going against your moral code of conduct and in future you will have unrealistic expectation of the same from others.

Thirdly, learn the skill to be empathetic. Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and think from their point of view. You will get a 360 degree view of the situation at hand. You can enhance empathetic understanding through practice. (Read: mirror neuron)

Fourthly, do not seek validation from others all the time. It leads to attention seeking behavioral pattern which becomes a habit. Expectation of attention and validation leads to frustration and disappointment. Be confident by building your self esteem.

“There are two ways to be happy- improve your reality or lower your expectations” a powerful quote by Jodi Picoult.

Prof. Anuradha Singh

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